Ayelet Waldman’s ode to the “bad mothers” in us all

Just in time for Mother's Day: Berkeley author Ayelet Waldman graces us with a new collection of essays on the perils and joys of trying to be a decent mom.

Berkeley author and mother four Ayelet Waldman is at it again, likely to raise controversy with her latest thoughts on being a mom.

Diablomag.com blogger and book critic Lynn Carey reminds us of how Waldman raised a national uproar over motherhood and maternal priorities a few years ago.

“Ayelet wrote a column for the New York Times Magazine in which she said that while she loves her children dearly, she loves her husband more," Carey writes. "The horror! Ayelet was pretty much drawn and quartered for this, even on Oprah, where she was ganged up on (much to her surprise; she thought they were going to talk about something else)."

Waldman is a former attorney turned mystery writer turned novelist who has four kids with her husband, Pulitzer Prize winning writer Michael Chabon. The title of her latest book shows that she’s not backing off her tendency to push buttons with her honesty, self-deprecating humor, and literary fearlessness: Bad Mother: A Chronicle of Maternal Crimes, Minor Calamities, and Occasional Moments of Grace.

Yes, the book doesn’t sound like a view of motherhood as seen through the eyes of June Cleaver or Carol Brady. The book consists of a set of essays about “the perils and joys of trying to be a decent mother in a world intent on making you feel like a bad one.”

In these essays, Waldman tackles a lot of happy, funny, sad, and scary issues related to being a mother, supposedly the highest, most noble calling for any human female: birth, death, abortion, breastfeeding, and sex. Waldman also reveals her own struggles with bipolar disorder and the guilt she felt about continuing her meds while pregnant with her four fourth child, says author Susan Cheever in her review for the Daily Beast website.

While Waldman calls herself a bad mother, we all know she’s no Andrea Yates or Susan Smith. In fact, Cheever says, Waldman seems intent, especially in the opening chapters, on making us moms feel better about being moms, even if we all fall short of perfection. “I feel like a bad mother,” Waldman admits. “even when by all reasonable analysis I’m a perfectly fine mother.” As [Waldman] writes with typical deadpan humor: “A good mother remembers to serve fruit at breakfast, is always cheerful and never yells, manages not to project her own neuroses and inadequacies onto her children, is an active and beloved community volunteer. She remembers to make playdates, her children’s clothes fit, she does art projects with them and enjoys all their games. And she is never too tired for sex.”

Cheever adds that Waldman’s book is “actually a tragedy wrapped in a comedy. She’s up to something much darker and more complicated than amusement and good company.”

I guess that’s where the abortion and the bipolar disorder come in.

Via Facebook, Carey managed to reach Waldman last week--while Waldman was on tour for her new book--and to ask Waldman three questions. They are:

1. Other than her own, what book would she recommend for Mother’s Day gifts?
2. Is there anything she finds herself telling her kids that she swore she never would?
3. And, just to be nice, I asked her how her tour was going.

Here are Waldman's responses:

1. The only book they should buy is mine. Screw all other books.
2. I actually have said, on more than one occasion, "You have no idea how easy you have it. I used to walk two miles to school in the snow."
3. Tour? Well, I forgot my Spanx. Yup, and didn't that look pretty????

“I love Ayelet,” Carey says, “and can’t wait to read her book (Hint, hint, children).”

 

Posted at 04:15 PM in Best Of Editor Picks | Permalink