Ever wished you had Rand McNally to help you find the G spot? Here’s the book for you. Walnut Creek sex experts Steve and Vera Bodansky’s To Bed or Not to Bed takes readers on a pleasure ride through every stage of bonding with your lover, from meeting someone to sustaining a deep, intimate relationship.
What’s the most surprising discovery you made in researching this book? Steve: I guess just how ignorant men are as far as relationships go—ignorant about a woman’s pleasure. They want to pleasure a woman, they just don’t have a clue.
What’s the best advice you can give to couples who have lost their way in the bedroom? Steve: Find it.
Vera: It’s best to communicate, and move slowly. Take baby steps. Hold hands. Take walks. Start like it’s brand new: Bring her a flower.
Just be nice to each other?
Vera: That’s what the Dalai Lama said. Practice kindness.
Does pornography help or hinder a marriage?
Steve: It depends. If everyone is agreeable with it, maybe it can work. It can enhance the sex life if both people like it. But we also know of a lot of marriages that broke up because the man watched too much.
Vera: [Perhaps his partner] could teach him how to fantasize in a nicer way.
Should your partner continue to surprise you in the bedroom?
Vera: We believe surprises aren’t a good thing. It’s better if it’s done step by step.
Steve: Surprises are not really the meat and potatoes. You need to know how to use your hands. Sex toys are kind of useless if you don’t know that.
Tell the truth: Is your sex life as steamy now as it was 20 years ago?
Steve: I think the quality is better. Maybe not as much quantity.
Vera: We know each other’s genitals very well.
Do either of you feel like you’re going to get lucky tonight?
Steve: Probably not tonight, but this afternoon …